A while back, I wrote about a conversation I had with a woman wherein she told me that her daughter was not likely to have a baby of her own because of her age and the higher probability of the baby having Down syndrome. (You can read it here.)
This past summer, I ran into a woman that I had known growing up but hadn’t seen in years. She and I were catching up when she told me that her daughter had one child and was thinking about having another one. The woman said that she hoped her daughter would just be happy and thankful for the one she had because there had been a “genetic scare” and they got lucky the baby was born “normal”.
As with the other conversation, my mind was racing as I tried to listen respectfully while trying to figure out how I was going to enlighten this woman. My chance came when she asked if I had any kids of my own, and I told her that yes, I had two children, Josie and Moses. For some reason, I didn’t come out right then and tell her that Moses had Down syndrome. That didn’t come up until she asked about their ages and school.
I explained to her that we had decided to wait another year before sending Josie to kindergarten because of her late birthday and that Moses would be starting the early childhood program, too, when he turned three in October. That was when I told her that he had Down syndrome and would be going through the evaluation process to have an IEP developed to make sure he was getting what he needed at school.
To be honest, there was a part of me that got a teensy bit of satisfaction from seeing her reaction and scrolling back to her earlier comments to make sure she hadn’t said anything outright offensive. But what really brought me joy was getting to tell her about how amazing Moses is and what a beautiful relationship he has with his big sister. To get to tell her with 100% honesty that I wouldn’t change Moses having Down syndrome for anything because he has brought so much happiness and richer insight to our lives.
A couple of months ago, I was talking with another older-ish woman about a close friend of mine who won a state-level award the same week that she gave birth to her beautiful daughter who has Down syndrome. I watched as her the look on the woman’s face transformed from one of sadness to pure confusion when I went on to say that my reaction was, “How amazing is that?! She hit the lottery! She was named Missouri School Counselor of the Year AND her daughter was born AND she has Down syndrome!” I would say it’s safe to bet that she thought I was saying that to be nice. But I truly wasn’t. I was honestly so incredibly excited for my friend because of her good fortune on all accounts.
Even though it’s the year 2020 and we have amazingly advanced technology and an abundance of information at our fingertips, it is apparent to me that when it comes Down syndrome and other disabilities, it can sometimes seem like we’re still in the Dark Ages. Down syndrome is still viewed through a very negative lens. I know we’ve come along way from the viewpoint that Dr. Benjamin Spock held and published in his best-selling book Baby and Childcare where he recommended that babies born with Down syndrome should be immediately institutionalized because “If [the infant] merely exists at a level that is hardly human, it is much better for the other children and the parents to have him cared for elsewhere.” (Globaldownsyndrome.org) That suggestion was held as true until research was published in 1979 that showed that the IQ of children with Down syndrome that were raised at home both with and without specific attention to stimulation was higher than children with Down syndrome that were raised in an institution.
Nevertheless, we’re still facing a generation of mothers encouraging their daughters NOT to have a baby out of fear it will have Down syndrome. There are still doctors who recommend aborting a baby that has Down syndrome as if they have a crystal ball and somehow know the deficiencies and limitations the child might have will overshadow and negate the child’s strengths and abilities.
Anyone can be a part of helping others change their views and see the beauty and value in the life of a person with Down syndrome. Be excited for a woman who gives birth to a baby that has Down syndrome. Share in a family’s excitement when its child with Down syndrome reaches another milestone. See the beauty in the perseverance and strength of a person with Down syndrome working to overcome one of life’s challenges.
Let’s work together to change the view of Down syndrome from a lens of doom and gloom to one of celebration and possibilities.