The Blue Elephant in the Room

I vividly remember one of the first times I saw a child on a leash. It was at West Park Mall and I judged those parents hard. I was all “Kids are Humans, Not Pets!”. Most likely I said more than once that I would “never” put my kid on a leash. Clearly I was not yet a parent of a two-year-old boy that had finally mastered the arts of both walking and completely ignoring the words “no” and “stop”.

It only took one evening consisting of a trip to Target where he refused to sit in the cart and my poor Dad had to chase him all over the store followed by dinner at Culver’s where he refused to stay in the high chair and walked around begging food from strangers for me to start trying to figure out how to not take him anywhere ever again. But when I ran into a fellow mom from my hometown who had her young son safely strapped into a backpack harness with a leash, I knew I had found the answer to my delimma.

So lo and behold a few weeks later Santa brought Moses a super cute blue elephant backpack with a nice leash attached that had gotten good reviews on Amazon. Last week I finally got to try it out.

Because of the flat feet and low muscle tone that came with having Down syndrome, Moses gets to wear orthotics to help stabilize his feet and make sure that he learns to walk properly. No big deal, right. Actually, it’s not UNTIL trying to find shoes that will fit. I’ll put trying to find shoes in a toddler size 6 or 6.5 right up there with going to the dentist or gynecologist. Necessary but not a whole lot of fun. (I will say that there are some really cool shoes for kids with braces in a size 10 or above. Hopefully he’ll have graduated to inserts by then, but if not, then at least I have hope that it won’t be so hard to find shoes for him.)

One of the tricks I learned from the last set of braces was to get shoes in extra-wide and take the insoles out. Another thing I learned is that shoes with a velcro strap make putting the shoes on a lot easier and quicker as opposed to shoes that tie. And since Moses has proved to be quite apt at sliding his foot right out of both the shoes and braces, easy and quick are must-have features. I have also learned that the velcro strap on most toddler extra-wide shoes are not long enough to accommodate chubby toddler feet encased in braces even after taking the insole out. Fun facts, huh?!

After searching online and coming up short, I decided to just take him to our local Shoe Carnival because I was told it carried extra-wide shoes that should work. Josie was at a basketball game with Tyson, so I also saw it as the perfect opportunity to use the leash. I was so optimistic that it was going to go well that I even thought we might go to Target, too! So when we got to the shoe store, I was practically whistling as I strapped him into his super cute blue elephant backpack and carried him from the van to the store. Once inside, a friendly store associate asked if I needed help finding anything, and I told her I was looking for extra-wide toddler shoes. She said would show me what they had, so I put Moses down, held on tightly to the leash, and off we went.

It started off well as we followed the associate, Moses on his leash, me holding on to it. When we got to the section with his size and she started showing me what they had, Moses seemed content to sit down and pull shoes and boxes off the shelf. Now, I know that this doesn’t necessarily sound like a good thing, but he was staying in one place and I 100% planned to clean up his mess so it was absolutely a good thing. I totally felt like I was winning.

That good thing lasted about one whole minute, which was how long it took for Moses to lose interest in the shoes and want to walk around. As the associate was showing me the shoes that came in wide (not extra-wide), Moses walked as far as his leash would let him. And then he stopped. And he was not happy.

That’s when it got fun.

There I was, trying to pay attention to what the sales associate was telling me and showing me while also holding on to the leash that Moses was pulling against with all his might. At this point, I got the feeling that the associate wasn’t quite sure what to think about the situation going on in front of her. Kinda like she was maybe thinking, “Is this okay? Does that little boy have Down syndrome? Can she put him on a leash like that?” And my mental answer to all of that was, “Yes. Yes. And yes.”

As I was trying to explain that I didn’t quite know what size he needed because of the braces (which I had of course forgotten to bring with me), the associate was looking at me like I was an idiot and Moses was really starting to get mad. He started yelling and tried so hard to keep going forward that he ended up falling on his little butt. I couldn’t help but to laugh at him and then proceeded to ask the associate to give me two of the shoes in both a 6 and a 6.5. She gave me a really confused look like she was wondering if I had ever actually bought shoes before, so I said, “I’ll just take them home, try them on him with his braces, and then bring back the ones that don’t fit.” She then helpfully informed me that I could in fact do just that.

She started walking towards the registers and I gave Moses’ leash a little tug and gave a cheery “Let’s go!” His response was to yell at me and try once more to go the opposite way. So I picked him up, carried him to the register where he immediately wanted to be put down. Leash firmly in hand, I put him down and turned my attention to the associate who was helpfully telling me again that I could return any of the shoes that did not fit as long as they had not been worn and I had my receipt because, you know, I’ve never bought shoes before.

After Moses had examined the shoestring display behind us, he was ready to explore the rest of the store. When he felt that dreaded tug of resistance after taking about 6 steps, he surrendered to the leash. As in he flat out laid face down in the middle of the floor and just gave up. You might imagine the look of confusion/concern on the poor sales associate’s face when I just laughed at him and said, “Life is hard, isn’t it, bud?” When I swiped my credit card to pay for the shoes that were undoubtedly all going to be returned (because they were wides, not extra-wides), part of me wondered if the information from it was going to used to report me to Child Protective Services.

I got my bag and receipt, put Moses on his feet, and let him lead the way to the door. Before picking him up to go back out to the van, I stopped to take a picture of him on his leash to send to my friends.

Here’s the thing, I could’ve walked out of there feeling frustrated and discouraged at the lack of understanding that wide and extra-wide are not the same or at the feeling that I was being judged for having a child on a leash – a child with Down syndrome at that. But what good would that do me? Or Moses? None at all.

So instead I just laughed as we drove right past Target to go home. I laughed at that poor sales associate’s reaction to the whole thing. I laughed at Moses’ reaction to his leash. I laughed at my own reaction to it all.

Life hands us all kinds of ups and downs, and there are some that we can and should be frustrated or discouraged or sad or mad about. But there are so many that we can just shake our heads and laugh at.

I’m thankful for the laugh I got out of that highly unsuccessful trip to the shoe store and the laughs I’ve gotten out of telling others about it. And I hope that maybe that most helpful sales associate saw that a two-year-old child with Down syndrome reacts pretty much just like any two-year-old child does when he doesn’t get his way. I hope that one day she has a two-year-old boy and thinks of us when she thinks of buying a leash for him. And I hope she learns that wide shoes are not the same as extra-wide.

The Other R-Word

About a month ago, I was talking to my sister and was trying to remember the three types of Down syndrome. It was still on my mind when I went to bed a little while later, so I decided to look it up before I went to sleep.

I came across a website called Healthline that had the information I was looking for (Trisomy 21, translocation, and mosaicism). I ended up skimming through the article which had the typical general information about Down syndrome, especially highlighting the delays and difficulties that can accompany the extra chromosome. It doesn’t really faze me to read those things anymore, but then I read this in the Screening section:

“Some women choose not to undergo these tests because of the risk of miscarriage. They’d rather risk having a child with Down syndrome than lose the pregnancy.”

That fazed me.

Medically speaking, when I think of risk, I think of life-threatening conditions. Down syndrome is not life-threatening. It’s life-enhancing. If you talk to almost anyone who has a personal connection to a person with Down syndrome, the only “risk” that is involved is that you may experience more love and joy than you ever thought possible. If you talk to a person with Down syndrome, they likely are not going to refer to their life as “risky”. A baby with Down syndrome is not a risk. It’s a baby. And like any baby, it can soften the hardest of hearts, bring a smile to the most lonely or unhappy, and has unlimited potential to achieve amazing things.

So after reading those two sentences, I scrolled to the bottom of the page and found a Contact link. When I clicked on that, it took me to a page where I could report an inaccuracy. So I did:

To Whom It May Concern:

While reading your information about Down syndrome (https://www.healthline.com/health/down-syndrome#outlook), I came across the following statement in the Screening section:
“Some women choose not to undergo these tests because of the risk of miscarriage. They’d rather risk having a child with Down syndrome than lose the pregnancy.”
Stating that the woman would rather “‘risk’ having a child with Down syndrome” is inaccurate. It is also extremely offensive. It should simply state “They’d rather have a child with Down syndrome than lose the pregnancy.” If you insist on using the word “risk”, it should be to say “They’d rather have a child with Down syndrome than risk losing the pregnancy.”
Thank you for your attention to this inaccuracy. If the medical professional reviewing this statement has any questions, please contact me at your convenience.


Sincerely,
Jenny Moyers

Guess what?! It worked!!!!!!!! I am so excited so share that when I checked that same link and section last night, a month later, that second sentence has been changed! It now states:

“They’d rather have a child with Down syndrome than lose the pregnancy.”

After relishing in my victory for a couple of minutes, I looked back at the entire article and I noticed that ‘risk’ seemed to be used a lot. That made me wonder exactly how many times it was used. So in true researcher fashion, I copied and pasted the article into Google docs and hit good ol’ CTRL + H to find how many times ‘risk’ needed to be replaced.

10

Ten times that R-word meaning things like “a situation involving exposure to danger”; “the possibility that something unpleasant or unwelcome will happen”; “a person or thing regarded as a threat or likely source of danger” was used to provide information about Down syndrome.

You may be thinking, “Ten really isn’t that big of a number. Don’t be so sensitive, Jenny.” Well just for you, I decided to look up a few other birth defects or disabilities a baby could be born with to see if ‘risk’ was used as often in those articles. Using my same highly scientific “Cut & Paste, Find & Replace” research method, this is what I found:

  • Birth defects (overall) – 14
  • Cystic fibrosis – 5
  • Congenital heart disease – 4
  • Cerebral palsy – 3
  • Spina bifida – 1

The word ‘risk’ is used twice as much in reference to Down syndrome than four other common disabilities that can occur in babies. And that’s with one of the ‘risk’ references taken out. (Go me!)

In the United States, approximately 67% of fetuses determined to have Down syndrome are aborted each year, and there are some researchers that believe that percentage could be higher. That percentage is significantly higher in other countries such as the United Kingdom, Iceland, and Denmark. Some people will point out the population size of the different countries, as though that’s an excuse to kill a fetus that will likely develop into a baby with Down syndrome.

But when such a bleak picture is painted by medical professionals and literature by using a word like ‘risk’ that indicates that the fetus poses a danger or a threat, while I’m devastated by those numbers, I can’t say I’m surprised by them. Yes, I absolutely support a woman choosing to do genetic testing to learn if her baby will likely have a genetic condition such as Down syndrome. Some of us like to have a feeling of being prepared to meet the different needs our new baby might have (as if you can ever truly be prepared). The word ‘risk’, however, elicits feelings and images of doom and gloom, unpleasantness, maybe even danger. (Insert eye-roll at the thought of Moses being dangerous. Unless cuteness is dangerous, then he totally is.)

A person that hasn’t had the experience of having a child or a loved one with Down syndrome or other disability may not understand why this seemingly little word is such a big deal. If that’s the case for you, let me ask you if you would refer to a baby with a disability or birth defect as a retard? Gimp? Freak?

No?

Why not?

Oh, because those words are offensive?

Then let’s stop associating an unborn baby with Down syndrome with risk. It’s not a risk. It’s a baby. A baby that deserves the chance to grow up to be its own unique and wonderful person.

Please, if you know someone in the medical profession, encourage them to consider the power of their words. It can literally change, or maybe even save, a life.

And thank you, Healthline, for taking this seriously and making that change. Hopefully we can talk soon about those other 10 usages…

The Do’s and Don’ts of Down Syndrome

Somehow it’s already been two years since Moses Alexander Moyers made his entrance into this world. Two years since I first got to meet the little person that would complete my little family in ways I never knew a tiny baby could. Before he came along, I knew about as much about Down syndrome as the next person, and what I knew were mostly the typical stereotypes and generalizations that are casually assigned to people with Down syndrome. Needless to say, I’ve learned a lot in these past two years about Down syndrome, about my family and friends, and about myself. In honor of Moses’ 2nd birthday and Down Syndrome Awareness Month, here are some of the do’s and don’ts of Down syndrome that I have learned:

  • DO congratulate an expecting or new mother of a baby with Down syndrome. How? It’s easy. Simply say, “Congratulations!” Whether the baby has 46 chromosomes or 47, it’s still a baby.
  • DON’T say “I’m sorry” when you’re told a baby will be or is born with Down syndrome. Would you say that to a woman who just says, “I’m pregnant”? Even if she has tears in her eyes because she’s scared of becoming a mother or terrified of how she’s going to handle adding another child to her crew? I would hope not. Seriously, don’t say it.
  • DO get to know Moses. He will literally light up your world with his smile and his comical personality.
  • DON’T forget about his big sister, Josie. She is his favorite person on this planet for a reason. She will also absolutely brighten your day with her beautiful smile and animated stories. So much of what Moses learns is because of this amazing little girl.
  • DO acknowledge that he has Down syndrome.  Could you imagine Shaquille O’Neal as a short, skinny, white guy? Right. In the same way, I can’t imagine Moses without Down syndrome. It’s part of who he is and makes him Moses so why try to pretend it’s not there?
  • DON’T call him a Downs kid. It may not seem negative or offensive to you, but it is. This is not a debatable point. Just as it would be offensive to call him retarded, it’s also offensive to call him a Downs kid. He’s Moses, a kid…who has an extra copy of the 21st chromosome. But you can just call him Moses.
  • DO ask questions. Questions lead to knowledge. Knowledge leads to understanding. Understanding leads to acceptance. Acceptance leads to a better world for all people.
  • DON’T expect me to have all the answers. One thing I’ve learned is that all people with Down syndrome are unique. So while I’ve learned a lot about Down syndrome in the past 2 years, there is still a lot that I don’t know about it yet.
  • DO understand that it’s harder and takes longer for Moses to learn how to do things. That might seem daunting to some people, but I’ve learned that it makes his accomplishments that much sweeter.
  • DON’T underestimate anything about him, including his intelligence. He seriously started to catch on to how to give a wet-willy after Josie did it to him just twice. I’m actually praying it takes him a while to understand that he has to stick his finger into his mouth before sticking it into my ear.
  • DO celebrate him and all those with Down syndrome. Is Moses perfect? No. Neither am I. Neither are you. No one is. Thankfully, none of us have to be perfect to be important and celebrated.
  • DO believe me when I say that Moses has brought way more ups to my life than downs. Believe any parent, family member, or friend of a person with Down syndrome that says the same thing. Believe us because what we say is true.

Happy birthday, Moses! You have taught me a lifetime of lessons in these two short years. I can’t wait to see what this year has in store for you!IMG_7106

 

Way Better Than Okay

Imagine walking into a room full of mothers of young children with Down syndrome. Imagine what it’s like to listen to these women share stories of their babies and toddlers with Down syndrome. Do you imagine a room that is quiet and somber? Do you picture them sadly commiserating with one another about the burden of raising a child with Down syndrome? Trying to one-up each other about the daily trials and tribulations they face? Or perhaps they’re consoling one another and wiping away their tears together?

Go ahead and imagine that scene.

Now imagine the complete opposite. Imagine a room full of mothers that are smiling and laughing and sharing in one another’s joys of having a child with Down syndrome. Imagine a mother of a 2-year-old offering congratulations and support to a mother of a 2-month-old. Imagine a room full of mothers exuding happiness and pride and confidence.

That’s the room I got to spend a couple of precious hours in on Saturday. I got to meet new mothers and see a couple of the friendly faces I’ve met over the past 2 years since I joined the Moms Of Children with Down Syndrome Club. I got to watch videos that highlight the beauty that comes from a person living with an extra chromosome. I got to listen to to the testimonies of other parents who have been in this club much longer than I have and feel excited and hopeful about the future that awaits Moses and our family.

At the beginning of the luncheon, a video was shown that centered around two families – one with an older son with Down syndrome, the other with a 3-year-old boy with Down syndrome. It was a wonderful, inspiring video to watch, but the end is what hit me the hardest. The father of the older boy was saying that “if he were to tell a new father who has a child with Down syndrome one thing…” At that point, he got choked up and couldn’t continue talking. His wife said, “You would tell them that it’s going to be okay.” The man shook his head and finally said, “No, I would tell them that it’s going to be way better than okay. It’s going to be amazing.” Cue the tears!!!! I don’t even have 2 years under my belt, but this resonated so much with me because it’s just so true. This journey with Moses has brought way more smiles, laughs, and joy than I could have ever imagined.

Next, we got to hear from two mothers who have older children. One has a son who is 17, and the other has a daughter that is 21 or 22. Both had very similar messages of how important it is for us to remember that our children are going to live up to our expectations. If we set low expectations and limitations on what they should and can do, then that’s what they’re most likely going to accomplish. I think it’s easy for any parent to think that their children isn’t ready for this thing or the other, or that there are certain dreams and aspirations that are just out of reach. It’s scary to even think about watching our children fail or get hurt, and it’s even worse to actually watch it happen. But failing and even falling down every once in a while is what lead to the growth that we ultimately want for our children. That includes children with Down syndrome. It might take longer and success may look different for Moses and other children with an extra chromosome, but it’s not up to me to define what success is for him. That’s up to him, and it’s my job to be there to help and encourage him along the way.

As I was about to leave, I saw the two mothers that spoke talking to another woman. I walked over and thanked them for sharing their stories and insights. One of them wrapped me in a big hug and said, “Welcome to the club!” I laughed and told her that I was almost a 2-year member but thanked her all the same. That led to a conversation with the woman they had been talking to who really is a brand-new member to our club. She has a 2-month-old and said she almost didn’t come. I don’t know if my reaction surprised her, but I said to her, “Oooh!!! You really are a brand new member to our club! Welcome and congratulations!!! You are in for more blessings than you could’ve imagined.” We then had a great conversation (in my opinion) about her family which includes two other daughters that she wants to do right by. I shared what had worked for me with Josie, congratulated her again, and wished her the very best.

I walked out of there really, truly believing in some of the phrases I’ve heard over the past 2 years. I absolutely am one of the lucky few parents chosen to have a child with Down syndrome. I absolutely did hit the lottery when God gave me a child that got an extra chromosome. My life is absolutely going to be better with Moses in it than it could have ever been without him.

For the rest of the day and on the drive back home, I replayed in my mind the videos I had seen, the stories I had heard, and the conversations I had had. In addition to what I’ve already mentioned, I also kept going back to what two other mothers in attendance had shared. One talked about how after the birth of her baby, her OB/GYN stayed with her for 10-15 minutes and had told her that she had never gotten to be part of such a special birth. The other told of a day she went shopping with a friend who carried around the mom’s daughter  through one of the stores. Her friend commented that the people at that store were just so friendly. Then it dawned on her that it wasn’t so much her that they were being friendly to, it was the special child she was carrying. The mom said that her friend told her that it was as if people were just drawn to the little girl.

When I put all of these things together, I have to ask myself, “When is finding out that a baby has Down syndrome going to be something to celebrate? When will doctors finally give the results of genetic testing to an expecting mother and say, ‘Congratulations! Your baby has an extra copy of the 21st chromosome. There are some things that we need to keep a close eye on during your pregnancy and possibly be ready to address when he or she is born, but for right now, just enjoy the news that you hit the genetic lottery!’ When will parents be able to share the news that their child has Down syndrome with a smile on their face and pride in their voice?” Because seriously, having a child with Down syndrome is life-changing in all the best ways. You get to experience a life that is full of love and joy and celebration. Like the dad in the video said, it’s way better than okay…it’s AMAZING!!!

 

The “Risk” of Having a Child With Down Syndrome

This is the response my best friend wrote yesterday:

Screenshot 2018-06-25 at 3.06.28 PM

She wrote it in response to seeing this on her Facebook news feed:

Screenshot 2018-06-25 at 3.06.48 PM

She didn’t tell me about it. I just happened to see it as I was scrolling through Facebook after Josie and Moses went down for their naps. I felt as though my heart stopped for a second, and then I started to cry. Those first tears were from being so thankful that she would speak up for Moses and every other baby/child/person with Down syndrome. Then I started reading through the comments others were posting about their own children with Down syndrome. That’s when the tears of sadness and anger started. There were multiple comments describing how upon learning that the results of genetic screening tests indicated the baby had Down syndrome, mothers were encouraged to abort the baby or start the process to give it up for adoption.

WHY?????????? Why should a baby with Down syndrome, or any other birth defect or disability, not be given a chance at life? The chance to be loved and to give love in return? The chance to prove that every life is precious and that every baby that is born is going to challenge his or her parents in some way? The chance to be allowed to grow up and perhaps change the minds of those who believe that they should have never been born? The chance to change the world?

Are these kids so “risky” that they should be kept separate from the general population so as to not subject others to their almond-shaped eyes, flat profile, and slightly smaller ears? Do the “normal” people need to be shielded from seeing a person with Down syndrome’s tongue sticking out or the horizontal line that runs across the palm of their hand? Are doctors afraid that it might be too much for parents and the rest of society to deal with the low muscle tone or speech impairments that people with Down syndrome tend to have? Are they leary of joy that could follow after being around a person that is quick to smile and still get excited by the little things in life? Should these “risky” children should be eliminated before they become such burdens to society?

These are just some of the questions that I would love to ask those doctors that encourage termination of a baby with Down syndrome. I want to know the goal, the purpose, they have in mind when they suggest a parent give up their unborn baby, many times before having 100% confirmation that the baby does in fact have Down syndrome.  Are they trying to create the perfect society? Are they trying to spare the parents from heartache and pain? If that’s the case, then can they also figure out how to screen to know if a person will grow up to become a bigot? A racist? A drug-dealer? A human-trafficker? A murderer? A sociopath? A doctor that will support the killing of babies that are not “perfect”? Because if you ask me, those are the burdens to society. How many people with Down syndrome are in jail? Have restraining orders taken out against them? Intentionally cause harm to others? Encourage another person to end another human’s life? Hmmmm….

I do not like controversy and I do not like confrontation. HOWEVER, when it comes to this issue, I will not stay quiet and I will not back down. I will fight for the rest of my life to end the negativity that still surrounds Down syndrome despite all the positivity that surrounds people with Down syndrome and those that know them. Perhaps in the future, someone writing an article on the “risks” of having a baby with Down syndrome should contact the real experts – the parents of children with Down syndrome.

As for those doctors and anyone else that supports the termination of a baby because it has Down syndrome or any other disability or birth defect, I will pray for them. I will pray that they have a change of heart and choose to support the life of someone like Moses. For those doctors that do not change their views, I will pray that they lose their medical license so that they are no longer a burden to the Down syndrome society. I’ll let God decide which prayer to answer.

[Note: I will say that I did read the article and it doesn’t necessarily support the abortion of a baby with Down syndrome. It does give information about genetic testing and even goes on to say towards the end that the information that the baby has Down syndrome can help doctors monitor the pregnancy more closely to ensure the health of the baby. However, by using the term “risk”, the author did reinforce the thought that having a baby with Down syndrome is a negative thing. I am not okay with that.]

 

Show Mo Love – Step Up for Down Syndrome

Grateful, overwhelmed, humbled, thankful, blessed – these are the emotions I felt today. Twenty amazing people came to support the most important little boy in my life at the Step Up for Down Syndrome Walk in St. Louis. They didn’t have to – I know they love and support Moses unconditionally, yet they chose to spend the most beautiful Sunday at Forest Park with Tyson, Josie, Moses, and me. Then there are the other amazing people that bought shirts and/or made donations to show their love and support even though they couldn’t be at the walk. My goal was to raise $500 for this event. We raised over $1,000!

It wasn’t just the support of our family and friends that put my emotions into overdrive today, though. There’s no way to explain how it felt to look at the sea of people that were there today walking for a person with Down syndrome. At one point I caught myself thinking, “I can’t believe this many people are here just for a 1-mile walk.” Then I was close to tears as I thought that it has nothing to do with the walk – it has everything to do with the incredibly special people that it’s for. It’s actually not silly for my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew to drive down from Kansas City for this 4 hour event like I had thought to myself several times over the last few weeks. It’s important to them, it is extremely important to me, and it’s very important to the Down syndrome community.

Grateful, overwhelmed, humbled, thankful, blessed – these are the emotions I get to have because of the people who see my son and others with Down syndrome as people to be celebrated, not mourned or dismissed as they once widely were. From the bottom of my heart and with all sincerity, “Thank you!” to all of you that Step Up for Down Syndrome and Show Mo Love.

Reflecting on “Finding Out”

I wrote this a year ago and the words are still very true today:

Besides their birthdays, there are two dates that I will always remember with both of my children. They were the dates that it I literally felt my life change. With Josie, it was the day I found out I was pregnant. With Moses, it was May 24, the day I found out there was a 99% chance my baby would have Down Syndrome. We were packing up to go to the lake when I got the call from our midwife asking us to come in. I remember telling Tyson that she called, and he asked if there was something wrong. I remember telling him, “They usually don’t ask you to come in to tell you good news.”

When we got to the hospital and were told the results of the testing, the floodgates of emotions opened. While we had elected to have the genetic testing done, it was still shocking to hear those words. There was also a sense of relief that the news wasn’t worse. I burst into tears and tried to wrap my head around what I had just been told, but that only lasted for a few seconds because Josie came over to me clearly confused and scared about why mommy and daddy were crying. I picked her up, dried my tears, and said, “It’s going to be okay. This baby is going to be perfect and perfect for our family just like you.” That was the first of the pep talks I still give myself to try to convince myself that everything really will be okay.

The rest of that day was spent telling our parents, siblings, and best friends. Every conversation was difficult but they all resulted in the same message – we were not going to be alone in this. The immediate support we got was comforting and reassuring. Talking to my parents, my brother and sister, and my best friend also helped me to start working through the absolute jumble of thoughts and emotions I was going through. To be honest, Tyson and I didn’t talk a lot about it that first day. I think we were both too much of a mess to help each other.

Getting news that my baby will likely have a disability started me on an emotional roller coaster to say the least. There was the shock of finding that out. There was the guilt that maybe I did something to cause it. There was the sadness that my baby was likely going to have more difficulties in life from the get-go. There was the anger that my baby was likely going to have more difficulties in life from the get-go. There was the relief that my baby was going to survive and its disability was going to be mild compared to others. There was the confusion of how and why was this happening to us. Then there was, and still is, the anxiety of the uncertainty of it all.

When Tyson and I finally did talk about everything, it was hard at first because neither of us wanted to say anything to hurt the other person. In the end, we decided that we were going to love this baby and be the best parents to it just as we had been doing for Josie. We decided that we didn’t know what life was like with two kids and whatever that life ended up being like, that was going to be our new normal however it was. And that has held true for us to this day.

I’ve learned a lot in the last year and especially in the 7 months since Moses has been born. I’ve learned that God really doesn’t make mistakes and He truly does give you what and who you need in this life. I’ve learned that attitude and positivity is everything for me. Every day, I choose to focus on Moses’ strengths and successes instead of his weaknesses and struggles. I’ve learned that God has given me amazing people to help me through this, especially my husband. I’ve learned not to get too upset when people say insensitive things and how to address it when they do.

I decided to write this today not for sympathy or a pat on the back, but in the hopes that it will help even one person to know they’re not alone or to understand what it might be like for someone to go through something like this. It has helped me to finally “get it out there”. I purposely haven’t posted anything about Moses having Down Syndrome not because I wanted to hide it or because I was ashamed of it, but because I wanted people to fall in love with him for who he is. But not saying anything has left me feeling like I’m trying to hide a part of my son. Yes, Down Syndrome is a part of him, but it is not all of him. Simply put, every part of him is perfect and amazing.