That Boy

Tonight at Josie’s soccer games, Moses decided he wanted to join a group of kids playing behind where we were sitting. Usually when we’re at her games, he wants to either play on the playground or watch Masha and the Bear or Peppa Pig on my phone.

This evening, however, he went over to where some kids were kicking some soccer balls around and tried to play with them. When they moved over to the empty soccer field next to where Josie was playing, he went with them. I stood in the middle so I could keep an eye on him and keep cheering her on.

When I took the picture of Moses in the middle of this group of kids, it was because I wanted to capture the moment of him just being a little boy playing with other kids. It was a beautiful scene to watch and I had a beautiful feeling in my heart from getting to watch my son running around like this, smiling and laughing with these other kids.

Moses, in the gray jacket, trying to play with the other kids.

For a lot of parents of kids with a disability, there is often a feeling of apprehension in situations like these. Are the other kids going to see my son as just another little boy wanting to play and include him? Or are they going to figure out that he’s ever so different and it’s enough to cause them to move away from him or even tell him he can’t play?

For a moment it seemed like he was being accepted and included.

And then the moment ended.

Just a moment or two after I took the picture, I started to realize that a couple of the older girls were getting annoyed with Moses. That really didn’t bother me because he was getting in their way in his attempt to play with them.

It was when he started trying to play with one of the little boys that looked to be around 1 1/2 – 2 years old that it was apparent that the moment was over and Moses’ presence was no longer going to be tolerated.

Here’s the thing – Moses loves babies and little kids. He does his best to be gentle, but he does still tend to cross some boundary lines when he wants to hug them and just love them. He has gotten so much better, but I don’t know that he’ll ever be able to resist the urge to at least give them a little pat.

It appeared that the little boy Moses was trying to play with was related to one of the older girls, and she felt like Moses was a threat to him. She came over to try to shield him from Moses. And Moses being Moses, he just tried to do a group hug.

I totally get being protective of a younger sibling or cousin or friend.

It was the way I heard her call Moses “that boy” to her friend that crushed my heart.

Again, I’ll admit that Moses crossed the personal boundary line when he got as physically close to the other little boy as possible with as much gentleness as he could muster.

The tone she used when she said “that boy” indicated he was bad.

Different.

Unwelcome.

As I walked over to remind Moses to be gentle, I also had it in my mind to try to introduce him to the other kids and be more actively present while they played.

But when I heard the way he was called “that boy” in that way, I choked back my tears, reminded him to be gentle, and then asked him if he wanted to go get his Kindle out of the van. He immediately said “Yes!” and began to walk with me away from the kids, completely unaware of what just happened.

This is one of the heartbreaking realities of having a child that is different.

Josie’s first game ended, and we moved to a different field for the next game. He sat in his chair for a little bit playing on his Kindle, and then he got up and wanted to run around.

As we were walking around the field, we saw a girl that I know but Moses had never met, and she had never really met Moses.

For the next forty minutes, she played with him. They played Ring Around the Rosy at least 1,000 times. He chased after her and she chased after him. They kicked a soccer ball around and then sat down to roll it back and forth. At one point, they were sitting on the ground pretending to be butterflies.

Rolling the soccer ball after taking a break from Ring Around the Rosy.

As I joined them for a few rounds of Ring Around the Rosy, I felt tears again when I looked at not only the huge smile on his face but also the genuine smile the girl gave him as she looked at him.

Yes, there are going to be those situations where the other kids are going to decide Moses is just too different, too “that boy”  for their liking.

There are also going to be those situations where the other kids see that boy, my boy, accept him for who he is, and include him in their play.

I am so thankful that on the same night that I had one of my greatest hopes for Moses crushed by one of my greatest fears for him, I had my hope restored by this girl who showed me that there really is reason for me to hope that Moses will find acceptance and inclusion in this world.

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