Here in our little corner of Southeast Missouri, things are going to start returning to a new version of “normal” tomorrow.

The way I understand it, the guidelines set forth by the Stay at Home Order will be lifted to a certain extent. Businesses are expected to follow certain guidelines to ensure the healthy and safety of their customers and employees. However, there is no restriction on the size of social gatherings although the 6-foot social distancing practice is still being encouraged.

For small business owners, I’m happy for them. Especially the ones that have been completely closed for the past four weeks.

For those who have felt any personal strain of the Stay at Home Order, I’m hopeful they will find some relief, too.

As for me, my anxiety is back and I am dreading May 4th.

Believe me when I say I am ready to be able to see and hug my parents. To have a glass of wine (or three) with my friends in person. To go to the grocery store without wearing a mask or fearing I’m going to infect my family despite my best efforts to sanitize everything before it goes into the house.

Today I have cried as I’ve grieved not getting to hug my parents when they came to visit us through the window and bring the kids cookies.

I’ve cried because I’m scared this virus is going to come back if businesses don’t adhere to the guidelines for keeping their customers and employees safe. If people don’t continue to practice social distancing as they are being encouraged to do.

I’ve cried because I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my students. I miss my work family.

But I also know that for my family, we have to continue staying home. We have to continue doing everything we can to stay healthy.

As I wrote before, Moses is considered high-risk not so much because he has Down syndrome but because of his history of respiratory complications. If RSV, a common cold for most people, could put him in the hospital requiring oxygen less than 5 months ago, I don’t want to know what COVID-19 could do to him. But I do know that I never want to have to relive watching him be kept alive by a ventilator, which is what I had to do for 6 excruciating days when he was just 3 months old. And which is what could very well be what would have to happen again if he had complications from COVID-19. Trust me when I say that if you’ve never sat by the hospital bed where someone you loved more than life itself was laying, watched the monitor, and prayed that their oxygen level stayed above 90 so that the alarm wouldn’t go off again, it’s not something you ever want to do.

It’s not just Moses that I want to keep safe, though. Over the last month, I’ve read stories about seemingly healthy children and adults in their 20s, 30s, and 40s who have fallen victim to this relentless and unforgiving virus. So while Josie, Tyson, and I are not considered to be in the “at-risk” population, it doesn’t magically grant us immunity from the virus and it’s possible ramifications.

There’s a sign in my in-law’s cabin at the lake that says “Trust God but don’t stand up in a small boat.” I fully trust that God is watching over my family and hears my prayers to continue letting us stay healthy. But when tomorrow comes and others open their doors and go back to “normal”, we’re going to go ahead and sit tight at home a little while longer.